Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…and you will find rest for yourselves.—Matthew 11:28-29
I am weary. My soul is so tired. I long to find a community where I belong. One that I long to pour myself into, one that can fill the longing for companionship and camaraderie. And of course, I want this to be somewhere :near: me. I want to find somewhere that doesn't take a half an hour to get to for us to :go to: church. I want to find a place to let my children free to run and grow and find lifelong friendships. And I have not found this. I am tired of settling.
This morning, it was more dread than joy that I packed my kids off into the car to take them to church, and I really like our church. I dreaded the 20 minute car ride. I dreaded the fuss when it was time to leave friends, and coming home to the fact that I hadn't gotten :everything: for lunch done already, so we'd come home hungry with nothing yet ready. (I realize that is :MY: fault, but at 32 weeks pregnant just getting out of bed and getting us all dressed in the mornings feels like a big accomplishment.)
“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. —Exodus 20:8-11
So, I sat at breakfast with my family around me longing for a true Sabbath. Longing for a day of rest. I would love to observe Shabbat from sundown Friday through nightfall of Saturday. I would love to spend that 25(ish) hour period at home with my family making the day holy. But Adam works until midnight on Friday nights and there would be many sacrifices the kids would have to make that I am not quite ready for. But Adam's off on Sunday. We could make :this: day holy. It does not feel :holy: to spend hours in the car going to and from church. Rushing through things to get to the naps and eating that need to take place. There is a part of me that wants to give up "church" on Sundays to stay home and rest. Worship. and rest. really truly rest. But then I am nagged by this verse.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. —Hebrews 10:24-25
That got me thinking about modern day church and how unlike what I think a :church: wants to be. What I long for church to be. A place where Grandparents, parents, single adults, young married couples and kids join with other families and worship the Creator. Where traditions and customs are created and children learn by seeing and doing instead of being tucked away in a corner to play while watched by people who are only half paying attention to them. Where children and adults of all generations share together the love of God. I long for a home-church community where children are free to get up and dance to the praise songs coming from the heart of the community. I long for a multi-generational community of worship where the children form bonds that are nearly impenetrable and the families join in a sense of community where they are truly there for one another. I have lived :here: for over 3 years now and I wish I could just walk to the church on the corner every Sunday. But we were shunned there and told we couldn't worship as a family. The kids have to go to the nursery, a room full of toys, with no spiritual foundation whatsoever so that we could worship there. That didn't even feel like a decision to us.
I would love to make a church home in the church I currently attend, but realized tonight when we stopped in during the evening programs how it was not going to work for us. We left our diapers at church this morning and when we realized it the church was already locked. We went back once again tonight to pick up the diapers (I didn't want to leave a bag of dirty cloth diapers to sit for a few days!) and there were rooms full of adults in small groups. I saw a mother of 2 small kids singing and dancing in a room full of singing children while her baby was in the nursery screaming. All of these activities taking place as my kids were already in pajamas and 2 of them were asleep in the car with their dad. It doesn't make sense to me to make them overtired so that we can "worship". I don't understand families being spread so thin in order to worship.
I don't know if what I long for is even on this side of heaven. But I long to create a day of holiness, a sabbath rest for my family. I long to take a breath and not feel like our day to worship is more hurried and rushed and full than the other days we have. I long to live in a community, where we can worship and rest and find peace. I long to find holiness in my today.
3 comments:
"Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am". I know what you long for. I know we thoroughly enjoy our church, where the kids do have their own classes, but have an enthusiastic children's pastor that we teach infants to know God. That said it is here in Tennessee, :( I wish you were here with us.
I understand the feeling of disconnect when your children have to 'elsewhere' rather than with you as a family. I agree...families need to be together, but sadly most churches don't see it this way. Try to find a church that comes as close to this as possible and then volunteer to help in the children's dept. so you can worship together as a family as least once a month.
As for a time of rest on Sunday...that is a difficult one when you have a family. I remember feeling like there was no rest for that day of the week!! A couple of ways we did things a bit different so it was more restful...have the lightest, easiest meal of the week on Sunday. Prepare on Saturday for Sunday...making the meal ahead, making sure the childrens chothing is all ready, laid out for the next morning, 'play-act' on Saturday how to do it on Sunday so the children have practiced.
I know it is frustrating. I remember back 27 yrs. ago being greeted 'at the door' of a new church in a new community after a move and being pointed to the nursery!! I'd never left your cousins in the nursery up to the point unless I went in to change them or take my turn helping in the nursery. I do understand, sweetheart.
However, it is still important to take our children to some kind of corporate worship...even if it is in our livingroom with a few other families who feel similarly.
Love,
Aunt Diana
Hi Alicia!
My wife (Becky) pointed me to your blog. I read your post with great interest.
Remembering the Sabbath Day by keeping it holy means that we should fear and love God so that we do not despise preaching and His Word, but hold it sacred and gladly hear and learn it. This is not easy when congregations point your children to a nursery room where they are separated from Mom and Dad for some or all of the time they are at church. There are some congregations that usher out children for a portion of worship. Even that is counter-productive for families to worship the Lord together.
As for me, there is no more restful place than church. Worship is where God feeds me with His Word. All week long I serve others. I come to church with an empty sack each week. In worship, God fills up my empty sack with forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and salvation. He feeds me. I rest in Him. When I leave, my sack is full, ready to love and serve my neighbor with good works that show the fruit of faith in Jesus.
I know it would be a drive for you to join my family at my congregation in Momence, but I encourage you to come, even if for one Sunday. We also have a Saturday night service if that fits your schedule better than Sunday morning. My congregation is small and loves to see new people. I can also say, with a smile on my face, that my congregation is a church where you know you've been to church. God's Word is preached in its purity. We call sin, sin and forgiveness, forgiveness. Oh, and families worship together at my congregation!
If I can be of any further service to you, don't hesitate to call or write me. I've asked to be your Facebook friend. Perhaps we could start a conversation there.
Peace and Joy in Christ,
Dave Juhl (Becky Juhl's husband)
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