That made me sad. Even when he is preaching about things that are soul-searching and hard to hear, this man speaks truth and it is delightful to be led by such an amazing shepherd. I don't know the man who took his place today. I don't fault him in the least for the things I'm about to write, but I was deeply wounded and frustrated by the things being taught as truth from the pulpit of my church today.
I was raised in the church. I have been to more services in my lifetime than I can even begin to remember. There have been times in my life where I have followed Christ blindly; where I have searched and found truths of my own that differ from what I was raised to believe, where I have fallen, where I have believed so strongly that I was right that I wouldn't listen to others; where I wondered if I should believe at all. I have been through just about every stage of belief. Where I am now, I have a hard time tolerating those who are too 'perfect' to accept that people are human and make mistakes. I've lived my life, I've made mistakes and I intend to overcome and live a life I am proud of.
Testimony.
I wanted to title this post testimony, but I missed Pastor so yeah. Backgound information done now I can really type what is on my mind today. The question was asked this morning: If you were asked for your testimony what would you respond? My brain started going...what would I say? My brain just went wild from there. "I wish that I had a better one," was my first thought. "I wish that every aspect of my life would show my beliefs and that I didn't have any part that I would have to share that I wasn't proud of or wished were different." I sat there with all these things running through my head thinking...my testimony is my life and I want to be able to answer that with pride--not someday, but today. The man continued, "when I asked that questions I am SURE that everyone's thoughts went back to the day they accepted Christ. That moment isn't your testimony, every moment between then and now is. That is something that as Christians we need to know."
He was sure no one would realize that our testimony was more than just our conversion story. I thought, "Who are you to say these things?" He continued with explaining how important our life choices are. He brought up the song I can only imagine. The words to that song started flowing through my head. He then went on to describe what he would do on his last day when he was face to face with Jesus. I was floored. It wasn't "this is what I'd like to happen", it was "THIS is what I will do when I see Jesus face to face." I would like to do a lot of things...but I think in that moment that only God can see that future and know exactly what that homecoming will look like.
I left church feeling horrible this morning. Not because I felt convicted in any way, but because I felt that because I wasn't perfect...and because I can only imagine what my face to face encounter with my Lord will look like that I felt that I wasn't the 'type' of christian that I needed to be, but I know this isn't true.
I used to be the kind of Christian who preached from the pulpit at church. I hadn't messed up and my life was all in line with what "should" be. The problem is that to truly believe it from the heart...you have to live it and to love those around you. Don't preach at me with words....let your actions speak. Don't look down on my because of my mistakes...love me for being God's creature. Don't condenm me for being human...don't put yourself on a pedestal...you and I are both on a journey to live our lives for God. Don't stand in front of church saying 'LOOK AT ME' live like me. Preach from the pulpit...Look to God. Live like him. Live for him.
I know we are all human and we all make mistakes...but if you stand in the pulpit of the church...don't condemn those who are seeking.
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4 comments:
today in sunday school, we talked about how people ask "do you go to church" and I thought-we should be living our lives in such a way that the question should be "can i come with you?" and the only way that we can live that out is in honestly, humility and compassion. So you screwed up. Big deal. Are you living TODAY for Jesus? Then what happened yesterday, or last month, week or year doesn't make a bit of difference in the world.
Juding people is stupid, and being the kind of christian that can claim to never have screwed up is even worse--because its a lie. So GOOD for you that you've messed up but want to overcome. Thats the best most honest thing in the world.
Oh yeah, and JESUS LOVES YOU.
This might not really have anything to do with what you are talking about, but I have been thinking lately about how certain vocal people in the Christian community seem to be far more interested in converting the culture to Christianity than in changing the hearts of individual people.
For example, there is a great emphasis among the religious right on opposing the so-called "homosexual agenda." While I can see that their motivations do have a Biblical foundation, I do not see this as an issue that will simply go away with a constitutional ammendment or whatever. Of course, if you could change the hearts of every gay and lesbian individually, then this "homosexual agenda" would take care of itself, but please, do you know how long that would take? Who's really going to try that?
I did not understand your emotions in regards to the message that was delivered. I too am working everyday on my journey towards meeting God and to me, just me, my testimony is about the miraculous power of God in my life. My Pastor, Rev. Lance Watson, www.myspbc.org, often tells his own testimony and says that people see the glory and not the story. He was affialiated with our church years ago because he was the one who responded when the alarm was set off. Many people see him just as the pastor of a 9000+ congregation.
It is the same for me. People see how well put together I am, my marriage, and my career, and my aura, and they see the glory and not the story. My testimony started from the day I was able to remember, because in fact, I did come from a humble beginning. My mother left, my father was young, single parent, poverty, promiscuity, low self esteem, discouragement, loneliness...and I am glad to say I was delivered. Sometimes though, people are in those situations and think they are the only ones in the situation. The testimony is that God can heal, can deliver...that is what I got from the statement. The testimony is when you reach out to someone going through the same things that you went through and minister to them, just to help them along the way. We are all human and things do happen...but God knows that I am constantly under construction. I am positive that I won't be denied entrance into heaven.
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