"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
I thought I was a tomboy growing up, until about high school when I realized that my deepest longing was more than to find love, but to find the kind of love a mother has for her child. I wondered, after marrying my first husband and realizing shortly after we married that there was no room for children in the relationship, if my longing to be a mother was to be transformed into becoming the absolutely coolest and most amazing auntie in the entire world. But then one day (April 22nd 2005 to be exact) I found out that I was going to have a child. Me. A mother. I instantly started in on the laundry list of ideas of the mother I would be. I knew I wanted to use cloth diapers. Many of my friends scoffed and laughed at me (and to this day 4 and half years later I am still avidly using cloth diapers on baby #3 along with other cloth products). I knew I would breastfeed. I really didn't even stop to consider any alternatives. I knew I would co-sleep. I followed through with many of my ideas and began a journey with my son of becoming a mother, the mama I am today.
But there was one particular thing that I said that I giggle at now. I said I would stop nursing my babies when they were old enough to ask for it. I hear many mama's say it. When the baby is walking and talking and moving around, certainly they don't need milk anymore...right? I eventually hit that milestone with Jacob and many many other milestones and I realized that for me the path of child-led weaning was the one that would work the best.
But something hit a cord with me as I was reading this passage. Why would I stop giving my son what he needed when he was able to ask for it. First, he started "asking" the day he was born. He just didn't "ask" in English. He asked with nods and squeaks, and by nestling into my breast. He asked with tears and cries and by rooting. He asked by begging with sounds and actions for me to meet his need. Then he started walking, and talking and asking for me to meet his needs. I can't imagine how it would feel for him to "ask" me for something he "needed" and for me to say "no". One of the very first things he ever asked for, to deny him that need. What a silly mama I was.
I asked him tonight as I nursed him before bed if he thought about when he would be done needing mama's milkies. He shrugged his shoulders. He looked up at me with big eyes. I asked him if the milkies gave him comfort, he nodded. I asked if it helped him not be sad. He nodded again. He told me "It's okay for grown-ups to cry" I agreed with him. It is okay. "But you don't cry mama, you have me." <3
Today is not the day my son is going to stop asking for the comfort that I provide for him. I am okay with that.
2 comments:
Well said. I think it's so important to do what is best for you and each individual child. I've often been told that it's time to stop when they can pull on my shirt and ask. Elijah was 8 months old when he was tugging on my shirt when he was hungry. I nursed him till he was 18 months old.
I swore before Kylee was born I would not co-sleep. Little did I know it was the best thing for me and my sweet babies. I was able to get more rest, they got the comfort of being with mama. And this time passes so quickly. Enjoy it. We're going to blink one day and our kids are going to be adults.
Awwww, that must have been such a tender moment!
Post a Comment