October 17th 2005...

I had a horrible day at school that day and my students were unusually harsh. At one particularly bitter moment one of my more difficult students asked me "MsK if we stress you out too much will you have your baby too early?" I told him that it was unlikely but that stres was a part of it. 

That night I went home. I had an appointment with my OB. I went in to see him. I told him my back had been hurting nearly unbearably. He told me that it was normal, I told him that I had a sticky discharge that had just started that week. He told me it was normal. I told him I'd been having cramping for the last few days. He told me it was normal. I told him I'd been feeling a lot of pressure, and again, He reassured me all was normal. 

That was it. He didn't check anything else. Sent me to get my flu shot, and sent me home.

2 hours later. I was putting away laundry, talking on the phone. Adam was at the computer chatting with his friend from Dallas. He'd only been here for 8 days. He had just moved out and we were working on what to do next. We got pregnant the first time we met. We broke up and then found out we were pregnant. We had an on again off again from there till now because part of me wants Jacob to know his dad and love him. But the reasons I broke it off right after our week together haven't changed. Anyway, I was putting laundry away and I felt a sudden wetness. I went to the bathroom and sat down. Something was 'trickling' out of me but I wasn't peeing. I knew something was wrong. I went as calmly as I could and stood next to Adam. I think we should go to the hospital now. Tears starting falling...I didn't even pack a bag. My due date was Jan 2 2006. It took them over 4 hours to confirm that my water had indeed broken. Contractions never began so I was moved from L&D to the post partum floor. I spent the next 30 days in bed. 

A year ago today I didn't know how much my life would change.
A year ago today I would spend the next month in bed...praying.
A year ago today I listened for 30 days to my sons heart beating praying with every beat that he would be okay.
A year ago today was the last day I stood up before I gave birth.
A year ago today was the last day I saw the outside of the hospital before the day I came home from the hospital, alone, leaving my son in the NICU to be cared for by others.
A year ago today was the scariest day of my life.

I can't believe how much has changed in the last year
but I praise God for the strength he gave me to smile through all that I went through and for giving me the most amazing blessing of my life. Jacob!