Why I left...a job I loved.

"...You are always so energized and full of new ideas! Often I feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I also thinks it's great! How do you have the time for everything? Please share your secrets!" - Autumn

I hear something along these lines often. I giggle a little inside because honestly my first thought is always "If only you knew the half of it..." But then I got to thinking and really the reason so many people wonder this kind of thing about me is the same reason why I left my classroom to be home with my kids.

I am a do-er. I love the thrill of accomplishing something great. I love being the BEST at what it is I have set out to do. I strive to be the best I can possibly be at most everything I try to do. When I was a first year teacher, I was an exceptional teacher. I put 200% into my job and the lives of my students. I would work long hours and create elaborate projects and presentations. I would spend all night thinking and working and re-working ideas. I would push back weeks worth of lessons as I sat in my classroom and just listened to my students and found out what they were struggling with in both life and my classroom. The next year and a half were much the same as the first year...and then I got tired. It was not yet burnout status, it was more of a blessing than anything, for my exhaustion stemmed from the little boy growing inside me. From conception, he began pulling me away from the job I adored.

As he grew inside me, I began to split my focus from primarily school to a percentage of time on school and a percentage of time at home. Then when I was hospitalized for 5 weeks, I began to realize that he was going to need a LOT more of my time and attention. I suddenly felt like salt water taffy being pulled in two different directions at once. Unlike the taffy though, it didn't make me better at anything.

I struggled through two and a half years of teaching and being a mama. I put great effort into being the best teacher I could be and the best mama I could be. I realized during my pregnancy with Leah that there was no question for me. If I were to continue being an AMAZING teacher in my classroom, I would be lacking at home. If I were to commit to being the AMAZING mama at home, my students were not going to get the quality or quantity of my attention they deserved. The decision didn't really feel like a decision at all. I refuse to be mediocre. That is what pushed me on the journey to being a stay at home mama. This opportunity is NOT available for everyone and I understand and realize that. If I were to be in a position where I had to work to support my family, I would work. I would find a way to compromise so that I could be the best I could possibly be at both. But not being in that position, having an amazing husband who is supporting our family so I can be home I made the transition and now I am here.

Now as I strive to raise my family and provide for them. I realize how many projects I'd love to do, but once again time is against me and I have to keep putting them first. So, in short, to answer the question, where does my energy come from?

1. We threw out our TV a few moves back (been 3 years without it now) 2. I go to bed very late (or early depending on your perspective. 3. I let things slide....a lot. 4. I have an amazing, extremely supportive husband.

I prioritize and pick and choose. I find the most important project at the time and put 200% of my energy into it. Sometimes that means other things (important things even) get overlooked, but after one project is mastered, another takes it place and all along I just keep loving my Jesus, my kids, my husband and desperately try to make a happy safe home for us. I have a lot of projects I can't wait to start, and even some unfinished that have been pushed aside to create room for more important ones.

Keeping my eyes on my children and meeting their emotional needs all along the way. I get down on my hands and knees and play and read stories and teach my babies all about what is most important to me, and then when they fall asleep, I stay up way too late to create more fun and excitement for the days to come.

I'm not all that wonderful, I'm just a mama, full of ideas and creativity, loving my kids and working on making it through a crazy time in our lives ;)