All to Jesus.....I Surrender....

All to Jesus, I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all,
I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.

This was the song we sang at church this morning. Communion in served every first Sunday of each month. Today, as I walked toward the front of the sanctuary I sang these words. Even before I reached the communion table and the altar, the tears started to flow. I took the bread and the cup from the table, and knelt at the altar.

As I knelt at the altar, I prayed "Lord, I give him to you." With my prayer I physically laid my son on the altar and I let go. I watched him lying there so helpless and needy and I sobbed. Here, lying on the altar at the front of the church was my 16 day old son.

The pastor came up to me and asked if he could pray for me, I could only nod through my tears. He looked at me and said "Your son in beautiful."

Through my tears, I replied, "He's not mine any more...I just gave him away."

I saw in his eyes an amazed look as he watched me...I wanted to tell him that I wasn't worth his admiration. My mistakes and my bad choices were more than I could bear as I watched my son lying there. I didn't want his admiration.

He looked at me and said, "The minute you placed him in God's hands, God took him and handed him back to you and asked: 'Will you raise my child?"

I feel so inadequate to take on this task. I don't feel like I can do this. Today I did the hardest thing I've ever done in my life....

I went up to the altar, I begged my God for forgiveness. I laid my son, my only son, on the altar, and I said..."I surrender ALL, I surrender Jacob. He is yours God. He's your child." And now, I have to leave him there.