Home.

I have an intense longing for home tonight. The problem is that I can't seem to figure out where that is anymore. I guess that is something that I have always had a problem with though. All my life I have been searching for home. I have been longing for it but it seems to be eluding me at every turn. Each time I find something the resembles home and make myself comfortable something happens and it is suddenly a lonely, desolate place.

You see, I can vividly remember an argument I had with my best friend from high school about home. I was struggling at the time with the concept of home and moving away from my parents. It was a hard time in my life because right at the time I was moving out on my own, my parents marriage ended. I struggled with where I belonged at that time. She argued "Home is where you rest your rump" and I argued back "Home is where your heart is". Not having a 'home' is one of the things that made it so desirable to make one of my own. I tried so hard to make my own home work, but it fell apart too.

Thanksgiving is coming. This is the first time in my life I have not spent it with family. I feel that spending such a time with friends is a betrayal of sorts. I feel like I have betrayed someone who didn't deserve to be treated that way. The pain is so intense and very real. I sit here in tears wondering why it has to hurt so bad. I miss the family I love that I am no longer a part of. Tears fall knowing that their Thanksgiving will be equally painful this year, and that I am part of the reason for that.

So, now I find myself once again searching for this most elusive concept for me. Home. I know where to find it.

Ephesians 2:19
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household,

Hebrews 11 also promises a new home for those who live by faith.

I have been promised a home I can't even begin to imagine. But what do I do now? In the meantime while I wait?

Lord, may I have the faith of the men and women who served you without the knowledge of your Son, and without a relationship with Him. Give me the peace and the strength to live here and serve you in everything I do. Lord, allow me to accept that this world is not my Home.