Seeing forever.

I watched The Notebook today. I loved the book and the movie was well made. There was a time in my life where I adored love stories. Not just love stories, but especially the ones where the girl *or guy* wasn't forced to choose between a guy who was obviously 'right' and one who was a total and complete jerk. There is nothing wrong with her fiancee, except that he just isn't the one who when all is said and done she can see forever with. She truly loves both of these men.

In this movie, it isn't a question of which man does she love. Allie loves Noah. There is no question about that and truly there is never a part of the movie, or story, where that is questioned. But the timing of that relationship seemed against them, and they moved on with their lives. Lon was a good man as well. Allie truly loved him. The sparkle in her eye, the way she looked at him...those things weren't untrue. She loved him. When it came down to it, she was forced to make a choice. Something that Lon said really struck a cord with me and I am sure I won't get the quote right, but the idea you will get. "It seems I have 3 choices. 1. I can shoot him. 2. I can beat the crap out of him. or 3. I can walk away. The problem with all of these choices is this. None of them give me what I want...None of them give me you." He knew she loved him, but the love she had for Noahy transcended time and reality....and even Lon could see that. Noah asked her a question as well "What do you want" in a tearful scene where after being reunited, she is going to walk away for the second time. "What do you want....Not what I want...Not what Lon wants...Not what your parents want...What do you want" When forced with this question Allie made a choice...she was able to open her eyes and look out into forever and see her future.

I struggle with this same question at times. The problem for me is that as I stare off into my future I don't know what I see. I can't clearly see what I want. I am faced with decisions that will change my life. And I am confronted with the question what do I want. The fear in Allie's eyes when she first responded..."someone will get hurt" That fear lives in my heart...but the someone...the someone who hurts...does it have to be me?