Half a Person.

I have greatly increased my activity levels as of late. Mainly because I am finding more and more that I enjoy it and it makes me feel good to get up that extra hour early *which I have been trying to do anyway, but without the motivation has been nearly impossible* and walk. It feels amazing to go to kickboxing. Yoga, well, maybe someday it will feel good too. But the point is that I am doing these things because I am finding that I love doing them, and I love the changes in my energy levels and my excitement for life.

There are however consequences for increasing your activity levels, and people are starting to notice. I am starting to notice. There is more definition in my mucscles. There is beginning to be an obvious difference in how my clothes fit. I was joking with someone who asked me about this at school yesterday and I replied "I'm going to lose half a person by next school year, just wait and see." I am most likely going to lose that much if I continue to be this active *which I intend to do* But this morning I started thinking about this.

I want to decide which half of me I get to lose. I want to pick and choose the things that go away. I want the bitter, broken parts of me to be in the part that I lose. I want the feelings of abandonment and the lack of self-worth to be in that part too. I desire for that part of me that gets angry quickly, and the part that allows stress to take away my joy. I want the part that sees the glass as half empty and not the part that is half full to be gone. I want to lose this part of me.

I don't want to lose the part that is full of joy and life. I don't want to lose the part that is full of passion for life and for Christ. I don't want to lose the part that has an 'intrinsic love of all things' I don't want to lose the part who finds joy in the happiness of others.

So if I get to have any say in this Lord, can I lose the parts that don't glorify you?