Paper-thin and broken walls.

I started this post weeks ago, and I am just now getting around to really organizing my thoughts on it.

I woke up to the sound of my neighbors yelling at each other this morning. The walls separating our apartments seemed paper thin and I felt as if I were intruding on their argument by being able to hear them. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Paper thin walls aren't very effective. They don't do the job at hand of separating things well...light and sound can both get through walls made of paper.

I built up walls around my heart at a very young age. I made these walls look huge and thick by the way they were built and I protected my walls as well as my heart. No one was allowed near the walls. Then one day I let someone close enough to realize that these big huge walls were nothing but paper and they started ripping and tearing down the walls of my heart. I let them do this and then suddenly the joy at losing the walls turned to a fear that was overwheming and stifling. They had access to the deepest parts of me and I trusted them with everything I was. But something happened and suddenly this person began using this knowledge of who I was to hurt me and take advantage of me. So I rebuilt my walls. I built them thicker this time around. I used cardboard and disguised it in a thick layer that seemed to be brick. No one was allowed near the wall to realize that the brick wall protecting my heart was nothing but cardboard. I again allowed someone the chance to know what it took to get behind my walls and this time I wasn't ready to be loved. Suddenly my heart closed up and large blocks of titaniam metal alloy shot down all around my heart stopping anyone from really knowing who I was or what it was like to be loved by me. I am working on finding the compromise. But the issue is ... Do I love myself enough to let someone love me? Complicating things even further, life is constantly throwing circumstances and choices in my path.

I am choosing to break down the walls around my heart and allow myself not only the chance to love someone, but to be loved in return. Unconditional love...thank you Jesus for loving me. I hope I don't try to shut you out of my heart again.