Staring.

I know it's rude to stare, but I just can't seem to help it.
Everytime I see you, I see things that hurt me to the core.

I see your mouth.
It used to be in days past when I would pass you that those lips always smiled.
It seems harder and harder to find that smile as I pass you.
It seems that the straight line of your mouth is there permanently.
The redness instead of being cheerful now seems to hold something more ominous.

I see your cheeks.
They hold a sallow emptiness.
No longer the rosy color they used to be.
Without the smiling curves of your mouth,
they seem to have no purpose.
Your cheeks show the signs of the weight that has been gained and lost.
Your body changing with time.

I see your eyes.
There is so much there.
Eerily haunting visions.
The lines etched around your eyes show that sleep has been something you struggle with lately.
Who knows, maybe it's been a while since you've actually slept.
The redness behind your eyelashes, the swollen skin, puffy from the salt.
All these telltale signs of the unspeakable tears.
Do the tears end?
It seems that every time I see you that redness, that puffiness that hollow emptiness is there.
Your eyes lack that spark I used to see in them when I would look at you.
You used to smile through your eyes.
Where did that inner smile go?
So vibrant and full of life, your eyes used to share that vibrance with the world.

Will I ever really see you again.
The girl I used to know whose infectious smile would light up a room.
The girl who didn't care about what those around her thought, but lived life to the fullest ever second she got.
The joy you used to share, oh how I miss it.
Is there something I can do to help you find it again?


I know it's rude to stare, but I just can't seem to help it.
You've changed so much since I've known you and I can't imagine that this is who you want to be.
I know it's rude to stare and I promise I'll try to stop.
I'm just so shocked at the vision I see in front of me.
Who are you?
What have you done with the girl I used to know.
Who was so alive that she lit up any room she walked into.
Is she coming back?
I'm sorry for staring, I'll stop now.

Please know you are loved.
I know it doesn't feel like it.

Oh for those of you who are wondering why I apologize for staring here...it's because I'm sitting here looking in a mirror.