I've done this before.

So, yesterday was not my best day. Lots went wrong and in complete frustration, I said many things I don't really mean. Mainly, that I am looking for a new job. For those of you who couldn't read my tone, I really wasn't saying I am looking, I was just expressing DEEP FRUSTRATION for a system that doesn't work that I have little to no power to change. We are doing our kids a HUGE disservice by not allowing them to learn and grow and become responsible adults.

Now that I have that out of the way...

If you have been following my blog the last few weeks, You may have noticed some of the deeper 'discussions' that seem to be missing half of them. You are right. There is a whole other world of discussion going on and you only are seeing a part of it. I have asked the person who I have been in these discussions with permission to post answers on my blog. The first one, For Adam, was a request.

I was sitting at my computer one day, and I had no clue what to write, so I asked everyone I was IM'ing at the time. Help! I need a blog topic. He answered, with a question. I have not done a good job at 'answering' his questions. But in the same light, I won't give up. You see, I have the answers, it's just a matter of putting them into words and expressions that can be understood.

So, few of you who read this blog have known me for all that long. I got it Rachel, you win. You have known me for 22 years. :) Oh, except mom has you beat by 3 years. But there was a me whose search for the TRUTH brought on many discussions like this. I am not one to hide my faith. It is so much a part of me that you can't know me or talk to me for long without realizing it's importance and role in my life. And, if the opportunity arises, I'll share testimony and scripture with you giving you my story. That's just part of who I am. *the search for this continues* The part of me who did this daily began to die within my marriage. I was hurt and hurting and couldn't figure out why God would abandon me when I had been faithful. Why would he turn his back on me and look the other way while in my marriage, with the man I LOVED, I was being broken and hurt. So I started to withdraw.

Then I took a trip to Vegas this summer. I went with a friend. We were at this random bar, in a random hotel. She seemed to fit into the environment much better than I did. Some guys offered to buy us drinks. "I'll have water" I got some strange looks. *Disclaimer* I have and do drink, just not often. There are very few alcoholic drinks that I actually enjoy. There was no reason for saying no to a drink other than it just wasn't what I had wanted that night. My friend talked animatedly and danced with the guys who had bought our drinks. I just sat quietly listening. Now once again for those who really know me. Sitting quietly doesn't seem to be who I am...but there once was a time when I was so much more reserved that you couldn't get much more than my name out of me.

As I watched my friend dance, I noticed one of the guys was watching me. "Do you want to dance?"
"Not really, I'd rather just sit here and watch"
"There is something different about you ..you know."
and that is where the conversation began. We began talking and soon were deep in a discussion about my faith. I was explaining what I believed and why, I was sharing what God has done in my life even through the storm I was currently in *this was just a few weeks after I had left my husband*

I do want the whole world to know that the difference in me is Jesus.

So back to "I've done this before." His name was Andy...*not the Andy I married* We used to sit and talk for hours. We used to hang out and do so much together. I even spent Christmas with his family one year. Both of our families feared that we would fall in love and to a point maybe we did. But neither one of us would act on any of those feelings.

He met my boyfriend one day and nearly broke his hand in the handshake. Their eyes met and I know that guys can say things to each other with a glance. That one said "don't hurt her."

We would sit for hours and hours talking and discussing. What exactly were we discussing. It was a huge discussion of faith. You see, I am a Christian. Andy is Mormon. I still have the Book of Mormon he gave me. I have read it. He asked me too. While he was on his mission, we would write letters, back and forth. I always looked forward to hearing from him.

Our families were very close. In fact, his neice and nephew where the flower girl and ring bearer at my wedding. He and his brothers sang at the reception. Although not as close as we once were, I still consider him a friend. I rarely talk to him, and it's even more rare that I actually see him.

So, it didn't surprise me when you asked me to read the book. And I asked if you had done it before, because it brought back memories to me. Like my mom said after she read Proof vs. Evidence ... "She's Back!!"