Love is a Choice.

I was talking to a friend this week when the topic of love came up. It's close to Valentine's Day and we are being inundated with love and lovers. This statement hit a chord with me "You can love whoever you choose."

My first response to this statement was "I know." But I was not hearing what was said. I heard, 'It doesn't matter to me who you love.'

After I thought about what truly had been said my immediate response was to disagree.

"You can love whoever you choose."... "and to this I say....sometimes you love someone you don't choose to love. Love is a funny thing and you don't always choose who you fall in love with."


But I am realizing that I disagree with myself. I fully believe that love is a choice.


What does it mean to love? To truly LOVE someone? I am going to use several sources to form my 'opinion' for the sake of the skeptics and definition for those who think it can be defined.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.


**So I quote the dictionary. I guess that makes me a nerd. But the reason for doing this is that words mean so many different things. I just want everyone to know what it is exactly that I mean. So I use dictionary definitions and the meanings of words to clarify what I am trying to say. www.webster.com**

love v.
1: to hold dear : CHERISH
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for
b (1) : CARESS (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in
4 : to thrive in intransitive senses : to feel affection or experience desire

cherish v.
1 a : to hold dear : feel or show affection for b : to keep or cultivate with care and affection : NURTURE
2 : to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely


In Corinthians we are given a picture of what love looks like. How it is manifested. Patient and kind and the list goes on. We see a word picture of actions that show love and others that are not as loving. And then in John we realize that the greatest love possible is the love that requires the sacrifice of your own life. But, there are those who do not find the Bible to be a valid source for 'truth' and therefore I bring in webster. Now I know that most often webster annoys the heck out of the people I cut and paste it to. But here I want to draw all attention to the very first definition of Love: to hold dear: CHERISH.

Cherish. What a beautiful word. Cherish. One of the three foundational words found in marriage vows. Love. Honor. Cherish. These three things are truly the foundation that a relationship is built on. But, do we not choose to do these things.

Love: to hold dear. to cherish. to actively desire. devotion. to thrive in.
Honor: to treat with honor and respect.
Cherish: cultivate with care and affection. to feel or show affection. to nurture.


These words are full of actions, and we have determined that our actions are a result of choices we make. We choose what actions we will do. What happens when these actions aren't done? Love *the emotion* dies. The actions that keep a relationship steady and healthy are choices. Very few relationships start from love. There are many reasons to start relationships. Physical attraction, common interests, fellowship, companionship, friendship, and even lust are a few of the things that relationships are based on. But regardless what is the reason for a relationship to start. "Falling in love" with a person is a choice that people make. Yeah we as humans attribute the warm fuzzy feeling and the intense desire and passion to love. But those feelings will leave someday and what are you left with?

You are left with love...honor...cherish. If these things are not a routine daily choice that you make and give the gift of each to your partner, there is something greatly missing from that relationship

To hold dear, to show devotion, to cultivate affection, to honor, to respect. None of these things need any sort of warm fuzzies or attraction. But in giving someone the gift of these things and getting them in return those fuzzies and that attraction will not die. Love never fails. A relationship with this foundation, will never fail.

So is love a choice? Absolutely!

One that must be made everyday.

What happens when you choose to stop actively desiring your wife or husband?
What happens when you stop honoring them? respecting them?
What happens when you stop cultivating that affection?
It is nearly impossible to do on your own. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction...so when you stop choosing to love, it makes it near impossible for those around you to love in return.

Well. I pray you don't have to ever learn from experience on this one. Listen to one who has loved deeply and been hurt even deeper.

Choose to love; allow yourself to be loved. Be the person who deserves that love. Just know that everyday you wake up, you have a chance to truly love. Will you make the choice to love those whom you hold dear?

Tell them you love them! Make the choice to love.